Q. What is the difference between politicians and stoners ? A. Politicians don't inhale...they just suck.
Q. Did you hear about the stoners that locked their keys in the car ? A. It took them two hours to get out.
Q. What do you get when you eat marijuana ? A. A pot belly
Q. How do fish party ? A. Seaweed.
Q. What do you call one bowl between three tokers ? A. Malnutrition.
You might be a stoner if your bong gets washed more than your dishes.
Q. Why did the pot head plant cheerios ? A: He thought they were donut seeds.
Two stoners were walking and saw a fly on a pile of crap. One stoner says to the other- Wow he had to go bad !
Q. What do you call tokin' a doobie with your friends? A. A joint effort.
Q. What did the stoner's wife say to him before he left for the show? A. Doobie careful.
Q.What is a Stoner's Favorite kinda SUV ? A Blazer
Q.Why did the pothead cross the road? A.Who else would follow a chicken.
Q.What do you call a cop with an ounce of the best pot around? A. The cop that just busted me.
Q.What do you call someone who says they can remember what they did at Woodstock? A. A liar. Two blondes are getting wasted at a party. "I think you had enough," one says to the other. "Your face is getting blurry!"
Q. What do you call a pothead in a suit? A. The defendant.
Think about it !!!!! If Cass Elliot had shared her hoagie with Karen Carpenter,,,,, They'd both be alive !!!!! Q. What is forty feet long and has eight teeth? A. The front row at a Willie Nelson concert. Q. Did you see Dolly Parton’s new shoes? A. Neither did she. Q. What's the first problem that Michael Jackson's child will have in life? A. Figuring out which parent is his mother. TRUTH IN ADVERTISING !!!  Lisa Marie's Divorce Allegations Against Michael Jackson Wouldn't drink beer, watch football and break wind with her during Thanksgiving with Mom at Graceland. Refused her pleas for separate make-up mirrors. Had her favorite noses (June 1994 and September 1995) done over. She was shocked to discover that the glittery uniforms were not actually part of any real military organization. He started hanging out with Madonna's dancers to toughen up his image. Stood in the way of her film career when he refused to bankroll her debut performance in 'Jailbait Rock', the story of her Mom and Dad's courtship. Jermaine and Tito were constantly asking her why Elvis didn't have kids THEY could marry. Swears she thought she was marrying Michael Keaton. He told her to "just beat it" one too many times. He kept forgetting to put the top back on the mascara. Unwilling to try new things in bed... like her for instance. Irreconcilable similarities !!! YOU MIGHT BE A STONER IF....... You start off every sentence with uhhh ! You eat at Taco Bell more than 8 times a week. You take off April 20th each year and treat it as a holiday. You wear sun glasses at night to see better. You think “ Truckin “ by the Grateful Dead should replace the National Anthem. Your bong is taller than your dog ! You set your wedding date for 4/20 !! MORE YUKS ! Q. If two stoners are sitting in the backseat of a car, who is driving ? A. The Police ! Q. What do you call a stoner who has broken up with his girlfriend? A. HOMELESS !!! Why did the blonde snort nutri-sweet? - She thought it was diet coke! One day this cop pulls over a stoner for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the stoner for his license. "You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the next day you ask me to show it.'' How many potheads does it take to change a light bulb? - Two: One to hold the bulb against the socket, and the other to smoke up until the room starts spinning. A stoner called the fire department and said, "Come quick my house is on fire!" The Fireman asked "How do we get there?" ................. The stoner says "DUH, in a big red truck!" How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ? ? - When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter. How do you hide pot from a hippie? - Put it in his work boots. What do you call a circle of blondes? - A dope ring. What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? - Mr. President. You ever hear the one about the pothead that studied for five days for a urine test? How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree? - Wave! How did the pothead burn his ear? - He answered the phone while ironing his clothes How did the pothead burn his other Ear ? - They called back. What is the difference between a drunk guy and a stoner at a stop sign? The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green! |
